Aarnog's Journal

Discussion in 'Trading Journals' started by Aarnog, Nov 20, 2013.

  1. Aarnog

    Aarnog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    148
    I think you guys are overlooking the fact that I've been at this for five years. It wasn't this week that has me frustrated, but it has been the straw that broke the camel's back.

    Time to be totally open about my trading history:

    I tried 1 trade a week. In fact, I tried it for four years. I didn't once come away with a winning month with that strategy. Not one single winning month. I would say I averaged probably an 80-90% losing rate with 1 trade a week. (Basic rules: Trade only Tues/Wed/Thurs, only if price is @ daily/weekly support or resistance, in line with market flow/fundamentals, drawing fibs on 1hr+ timeframes).

    So, that not working, I figured I'd switch it up and see if that helped. And it did. I switched to what I'm doing now about a year ago, and I immediately went from consistent losses, to consistent (albeit very small) gains. 10-15 pips a week, at most. (Basically, my average gain is in the 50-60 pip range, but each win is accompanied by several 5-10 pip losses).

    I thought I'd be able to increase my consistency to the point where I could confidently bring home 50-80 pips a week. There have been a few weeks where I've done this, but I've never had a 200 pip month. I always seem to give it back in tiny 5-10 pip increments.

    Now here is the real issue: I'm exhausted. Utterly, and completely exhausted. Even after a full week off I haven't really recovered from my exhaustion. My relationships with friends and family are strained simply because I've been unable to put in any time or effort to actually see the people I care about, and when I do manage to see them I am too tired to be fun, exciting, interesting, or a good time in general. My performance at my day job is absolutely abysmal, because I'm too exhausted to put in the energy required to do it. My trading performance is abysmal, because I'm too exhausted to put in the effort required to do proper analysis (this thread was supposed to help with that - and it did help a LOT when I had the energy to put together a comprehensive analysis).

    Basically, everything in my life is going poorly simply because I am too tired to successfully do... anything, really. Any down time I have is spent sleeping. I haven't really done anything fun in years. No vacations, nothing. Something has to give, and I know that, so I tried my damndest to get to the point where it was my day job that I got rid of, but it looks like my efforts weren't enough. My drawdown over the past weeks (losing maybe 10-15 pips a week?) has gotten me to the point where I can break even on my deposit to my account. I'm not ahead, and I'm not behind. Knowing that had I instead left my deposit in a crappy savings account earning maybe 1% I would be further ahead than I am now is an extremely depressing bit of knowledge, and I think is the biggest signal that this isn't for me.

    I think half a decade is long enough to have considered giving trading a fair shot, and is a long enough time for me to concede that I will not be able to do it as a career. The hard part now, is coming to terms with the fact that I haven't succeeded at something I've dedicated so much time to; and that it doesn't make me a failure as a person.

    So, unless I have a massive change of heart over the weekend, it's extremely unlike that I'll be continuing with trading. Thanks for all the kind words and support, and best of luck to you all!
     
  2. Tansen

    Tansen Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2013
    Messages:
    890
    I sympathize with your frustration.

    In fact, I had one of those moments as well in Dec of thislast year. I was pissed that I wasn't able to take these shots or show the impossible progress I demanded within myself.

    I was doing piss poor in fact turning up negative hundred dollar months for the past year almost.

    August 2013: Down almost nothing.
    Sept 2013: Down ALOT
    Stupid system crapped out on me here for some reason again so these are from memory
    Nov 2013: down quite a bit
    Dec 2013: up a little <== After being up quite a bit

    I was burnt out I was tired I was frustrated and I had already given up I was defeated much like how your feeling now. I said to myself in December if I didn't prove myself in general I'm gone for at least two months, maybe more, I'm tired and these eyes are having the fire diminish slowly and me finding myself to increasingly apathetic to even pull up a chart. It didn't help either that I was up 1,300 going into the second week only to lose -600 and to make matters worse I lost -300 on the day I was right in Dec and had I been allowed to play through for another 30 seconds I would of made $1,300 making me a net of $2,400

    I think it was in the Four hour body that I found him using the term "Harajuku moment" if I remember correctly, don't quote me on this, it's basically the moment of revelation. I'm not going into detail for your system or every trade, but I would say you looked very hard for trades so much so that it started taxing you mentally and I guess socially.

    With that said you need to know that there is no disgrace in taking a long break. I cannot force you in either direction to power forward or to turn around head held high. There is certainly no dishonor in trying other things or attempting to emulate someone else who's not ICT who is also doing well. My day manager once said to me, "Everyone can trade, I just found my way of trading faster than everyone else".

    It's only when you hit your lowest point you truly change.
    Whether it'd be change for the better and you rise again like a phoenix or continue to consume yourself like the Ouroboros.

    To continue what I learned in January, I learned that I cannot see myself doing anything else and as it stands:

    Nov 2013: down quite a bit
    Dec 2013: up a little <== After being up quite a bit
    Jan 2014: N/A absent
    Feb 2014: As it stands right now +X
    Feb wasn't without battle scars, however despite my contemplation in January I chose to tackle trading again and rise again like the phoenix.

    Now I propose the same to you if you decide to take a longer break and resume trading at a later date.

    If you return will you change for the better and rise from the ashes like the phoenix? (This isn't a question or open question to me by any means it something you ask yourself)
     
  3. sqa

    sqa Village Scribe

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2014
    Messages:
    2,201
    Firstly, rest & sleep. Without those, not much is going to get done.

    Next, a break is probably worth it. If you've spent years & just finally found something that works (which you seem to have), but the exhaustion is killing the profits, then the next move is to pull back for a bit. Without sleep, even the best trader in the world is going to lose.

    After that, I'd say "find God" because it helps more than you can understand right now. Or, if you don't want to go that way right now, try this:

    http://www.leangains.com/
    http://anthonymychal.com/2012/05/the-diet-to-end-all-diets-muscle-building-fat-loss-and-easy-living-without-the-calculator-or-scale/
    http://rippedbody.jp/2011/10/08/leangains-intermittent-fasting-guide-how-to-do-it-by-yourself/
    http://examine.com/leangains-faq/

    I kind of loathe people that say "just go on a *diet*!". That's not what I'm suggesting. LeanGains starts as a "time your eating" system, but the numbers & practical experiences massively back it up. You start there, then you'd want to change up how & what you eat. You have the ability to do that, and the results will be amazing... for your Mind.

    In another part of my life, I'm something of a testament to being significantly smarter than most people in Medicine, so I understand *how* it works, plus I can attest to it from personally using it. Your head will be clearer and you will have more energy. Further, you'll start noticing which foods might cause you problems. If you can trade (even at small profit/loss) multiple trades over a week, over years, then you're more than able to make the small changes necessary to be successful on LeanGains.

    Also, the two major benefits of LeanGains are: 1) it's very easy and 2) it's free (the 4th link having pretty much every piece of information you need). I can't give you too much insight on Trader Psychology (I'm very new to trading), but I can give insight on getting the body in a place to handle harder stresses. I hope it helps.
     
  4. Aarnog

    Aarnog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    148
    After a good night's rest, a couple hours of kitten therapy, and a conversation with my girlfriend, I've come to the realization that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I gave up on trading.

    Now, I'm going to take this weekend to go over every. single. one. of my trades for the last 6 months, and I'm going to do a full analysis of why I entered where I did, and what I should have done instead. Hopefully that puts me in a better place to make some pips come Monday.

    Also, I have this thing where I turn extreme frustration into dogged determination. It's happened a few times in my life with other things, and has thus far ended with me getting exactly what I want, so here's hoping I can keep batting 100 with this.
     
  5. Aarnog

    Aarnog Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2013
    Messages:
    148
    Also - thanks for the motivation Tansen! Means a lot!

    And Sqa - I've actually been hitting the gym and dieting for the past while. I think it's the only reason I've been able to last so long with trading. Also, I'm far and away in the best shape of my life as a result.
     
  6. foreigner

    foreigner Est. 12480 Hours and Counting

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2013
    Messages:
    609
    Ive been following your Journal for a few weeks, Time for me to chime in..

    I have shared the exact same problem as you Aarnog, I hit a wall and couldnt see what I needed to do to get over it.

    Little did I know that all I had to do to overcome my problem was nothing, thats right, nothing!

    We spend so much time thinking' that we dont stop for even a second to consider our mental health.

    Could professional athletes be at the top of their game if they didnt rest properly?

    'heres one of those note pad moments' - Meditate.

    If you share this same problem you need to Meditate at least monday to friday for at least 20 minutes in the morning before you do ANYTHING, and I mean BEFORE.

    If you want the best from your mind you must put your mind FIRST.

    Clear your mind for 20 minutes each day, when a thought enters your mind let it go without contemplating it.

    Its not easy, but for me it had almost instantaneous results in my energy and concentration levels.

    This boost in cognitive potential propelled me towards the answer to what was wrong with my trading, in my case Greed.

    Im not saying this is the be all and end all, but it got me over the wall and now hopefully on the home straight.

    Give it a try ;)
     
  7. TheInnerCircleTrader

    TheInnerCircleTrader Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 10, 2013
    Messages:
    196
    Traders many times call pausing - Quitting.

    Rough patches and strings of incorrect analysis are going to occur. This has been the toughest year so far for me in my trading years. That should tell you something... in 20 years time.

    Since we know the market is rather fickle right now... the shorter timeframes are going to yield the best Risk:Reward. Intraday trading for the current market conditions is optimal - in my opinion.

    Weekly range trading will be tricky in here as we transition to the next wave of intermediate/long term market swings. Keep your cards close to the vest and the powder dry. Lower risk and leverage until the markets move into a more "trendy" nature.

    Chin Up - Soldier Up!

    ;)
     
  8. pipmart

    pipmart Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2013
    Messages:
    132
    Hey Aarnog,
    I am a lurker here and have enjoyed your journal. I am getting back into trading after a long break. I took the break because, much like you, I have been at break even for about a year now. So I totally feel you. Its almost more frustrating then just bombing an account. lol. One thing I am looking at is to really limit what sessions I trade now. Getting up at all hours of the night when you work a regular full time job is not an option for long term success in my humble opinion. So maybe scaling back to focus on something that is easier on your mind and body as far as scheduling and sleeping habits go might help you out a lot.
    Hope you stick with it because you really seem like you know what your doing.
    Peace
     
  9. R19ki

    R19ki New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 10, 2014
    Messages:
    4
    Aarnogs Jo

    Big match tonight Freebird and I against the T4U master and his regular partner Are you shakin Scottie???????
     

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