Share a joke. Have a laugh or at least a grin :)

Discussion in 'Community Chat' started by AusDoc, Jul 5, 2014.

  1. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    Question of the day

    Q: Why did God create Forex analysts?
    A: In order to make weather forecasters look good.

    Yes, indeed, that fits with a recent extensive study that reveals the best time to buy or sell in any forex market is yesterday!
     
  2. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    Market Analysts

    A market analyst is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today!

    Analysts' Reasoning

    Two market analysts are walking down the street. One sees a dollar lying on the sidewalk, and says so. "Obviously not," says the other. "If there were, someone would have picked it up!"
    --
    Three market analysts went out hunting, and came across a large bear. The first analyst fired, but missed by a meter to the left. The second one fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third analyst didn't fire, but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it!"
     
  3. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    The market is weird. Every time one guy sells, another one buys, and they both think they're smart. And then there are economists...
    --

    The First Law of Economics: For every economist, there is an equal and opposite economist - so for every bullish economist, there is a bearish one.

    The Second Law of Economics: They are both likely to be wrong!
    --

    Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Seven, plus or minus ten.
    --

    Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.
    http://www.digitaldreamdoor.com/pages/quotes/lightbulb.html
    --

    Q. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A. None. If it were a good idea, someone would already have done it.
    http://www.chss.iup.edu/economics/alspr93.htm
    --

    Q: How many supply-side economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
    http://www.dap27.freeserve.co.uk/Jokes/Howmany.html
    --

    Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    A: That depends on the wage rate.
    www.byebye.us/html/detail_2146.html
    --

    Q: How many mainstream economists does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: Two. One to assume the existence of ladder and one to change the bulb.
    --

    Q; How many central bank economists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
    A: Just one — he holds the lightbulb and the whole earth revolves around him.
    http://www.jobnetonline.com/jokes/morejokesjokesjokes.htm
     
  4. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    A daily stock market report

    Helium was up, feathers were down. Paper was stationary. Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading. Knives were up sharply. Cows steered into a bull market. Pencils lost a few points. Hiking equipment was trailing. Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline. Weights were up in heavy trading. Light switches were off. Mining equipment hit rock bottom. Diapers remain unchanged. Shipping lines stayed at an even keel. The market for raisins dried up. Coca Cola fizzled. Caterpillar stock inched up a bit. Sun peaked at midday. Balloon prices were inflated. And Scott Tissue touched a new bottom. And batteries exploded in an attempt to recharge the market...
    (Source unknown)
     
  5. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    When you trade without any indicators on your charts that's called "naked trading" right?
    So what is it when you trade with only a couple of moving averages... “bikini trading” ...?
    --

    Q. What's the fastest way to end up with a million dollars in forex trading?
    A. Start with five million and copy another forex trader.
    --

    Q. What's the fastest way to be worth a million dollars?
    A. Start with 100 million and buy an airline.
    --
     
  6. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    Acronyms anyone?

    YUPPIE: Young, Upwardly-Mobile Professional
    SNAG : Single, New Age Guy
    DINKS: Double Income, No Kids
    WOOF: Well Off Older Folk
    GOFER: Genial Old Farts Enjoying Retirement
    TEPID: Tastes Expensive, Pension Inadequate, Dammit
    ORCHID: One Recent Child, Heavily In Debt
    GUNNER: Grossly Underachieving Neurotic Narcissist Erupting Repetitively
     
  7. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    rofl love the last one !!!
     
  8. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    meeooww!
    [​IMG]
     
  9. jack

    jack Administrator Staff Member

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    How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb?


    No one knows, they never get to keep the house.
     
  10. the golden gun

    the golden gun RINSE & REPEAT

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    I'm aware that I make you feel inadequate, and it's not my fault.

    It's not my fault!
     
  11. jack

    jack Administrator Staff Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  12. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    I'm suspecting that your cat has really bad breath. >:D
     
  13. jack

    jack Administrator Staff Member

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  14. AusDoc

    AusDoc Well-Known Member

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    This poor guy has no mouth, or nose ,or ears either, whereas the babe seems to be fully equipped.
    No wonder he's jealous. ;)

    ...errrr, or was jealous, before he made things decidedly worse for himself.
     
  15. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    maybe he will have better luck the next time around, if one believes in reincarnation

    [​IMG]
     
  16. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    In tribute to the upcoming vote

    [​IMG]
     
  17. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    The UK Government has said that Scotland could end up as a Third World country if they vote for independence.

    I don't know if things will improve to that extent, but you never know.

    Courtesy of Sickipedia.org: http://www.sickipedia.org/racism/scottish/the-uk-government-has-said-that-scotland-could-end-up-1559739#ixzz3Da1BwTZW
     
  18. Piper

    Piper Guest

    I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
    There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to
    exchange yen for dollars.
    It was obvious she was very irritated ...

    She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla
    fo yen.
    Today I only get hunat eighty?
    Why it change?"

    The teller shrugged his shoulders and said,
    "Fluctuations."
    The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"

    -P
     
  19. rod178

    rod178 Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  20. jack

    jack Administrator Staff Member

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